is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
