You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
