You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
