Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
