I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
