Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
