Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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