my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
