Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
