i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
