guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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