Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I am puke
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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