non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
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had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
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YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
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