Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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