just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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