I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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