you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Drake has all the answers
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
