Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
