just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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