Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
