she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
