dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
