Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
