turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
