mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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