Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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