They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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