In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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