dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
