you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
All the doctor said was why
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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