they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
