Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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