like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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