Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
