You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
