My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
