1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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