I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
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She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
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I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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