Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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