I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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