We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
