i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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