How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I am available for nakedness
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
that may or may not have been my penis.
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