so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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