I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
