just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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