Sponge bath it is.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
