Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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