Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
