You made me cry and you don't even care
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
