I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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