yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
