Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for