Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you