it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.