Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus