Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
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they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
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Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.