just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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