..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
