can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
