I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
