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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
