so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
