this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
