i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
