they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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