the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
