i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
