They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize