Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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