Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
