Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
