you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
