i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
