She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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