He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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